The 4th Step TEACH and PRACTICE

Finally, the 4th and last step to helping your child gain control of their stress reaction and re-regulate themselves! 

 Only AFTER they have regulated, discuss with (or model for) your child how this situation could have been dealt with differently.  This step is useless until your child is completely calmed down!  Please realize that this could even take an entire day and night!  In fact, if you start this step too early, it could re-ignite their fit!

 The GOAL of this step is to come up with a PLAN and PRACTICE the plan while the child is calm and regulated.  

 This can be done in many ways:

·      If the child is developmentally able, DISCUSS what happened and maybe WRITE DOWN some things that were hard or felt out of control.  Then, TOGETHER, come up with some alternatives to those challenging behaviors/feelings.  If possible, have your child write them down (even if messy and misspelled).  This puts them in the driver’s seat for their own success!

·      Find SOCIAL STORIES that deal with similar situations and read them to your child.  Discuss how the story is similar and different to what occurred for your child.

·      Play MAKE-BELIEVE with stuffed toys, dolls, cars, army men….  This can done with children that are developmentally very immature because they can watch, listen and enjoy.  MAKE THIS FUN!  Go through some situations that are silly first.  Then model some scenarios that are more similar to what happens with your child.  Model both undesired reactions and desired reactions.  In the end, show the “actors” SHOWING LOVE FOR EACH OTHER no matter what!

 ·      This one is the hardest I know!  MODEL CONSISTENTLY REGULATED REACTIONS TO CHALLENGING EVENTS.  Your child watches and learns from your actions much more than your words.  We’ve all been told this, and it really is so true – even more for nuero-diverse kiddos than any other. 

 Some kids just don’t know how to react when they feel stressed.  So, we have to teach them.  Offer your child ALTERNATIVE BEHAVIORS! 

·      Give your child something TO DO WITH HIS HANDS when he feels stress.  My daughter used to pinch and hit, so we helped her start to press her hands together hard and say “I Need Help”.  This both gave her something to do with her hands and provided deep pressure because she was pressing her hand together.

·      PROVIDE AN OUT for them.  If your child is clearly starting to escalate, tell them, “it looks like you are getting frustrated, why don’t you go…”.  We laminated the linked picture of a storm with a rainbow and listed activities to do to help them calm down and I say to them, “PICK SOMETHING FROM THE RAINBOW SHEET TO DO.”  Even if I am mad, I can say those words.  Make one of your own with things on it that help your child calm down!

·      If you think your child might be HUNGRY, get them a piece of cheese, a spoon of peanut butter, a yogurt (something high in protein, low in sugar is best).

·      Come up with a TRIGGER WORD that your child can easily say if they feel they are getting out of control.  When you hear this word, help!

·      Encourage your child to use the COPING STRATEGIES from earlier posts!

I would love to hear from you!  If this series has been helpful, if you have questions or are willing to share your stories, please follow me and comment on my Instagram or Facebook pages at teresalkerrigan or unstoppableparenting.