The 3rd Step BE A SUPER HERO

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The 3rd step to helping your child get themselves under control is to MODEL REGULATION.

 

I know how hard this step is!  When our kids are out of control, we get angry, emotionally exhausted and desperate!  Believe me, I’ve been there many times.  But your child will match you level of emotion!  So, if you have to remove yourself for a moment (or many moments) while you child throws a fit in a safe setting to calm yourself down, do it!  Do something that will help you become regulated before following through on this step 3!

 

Once you are calm, model calmness for your child.  Do things that will help them calm down if they follow you.  Show them how to get your body and mind under control.  Praise them for making any effort!

 

o   Take some deep breathes and encourage your child to match your breathes.

o   If they are willing, do some deep joint compressions with them.

o   If not, they can do it themselves by doing jumping jacks, rolling like a rolly polly, push ups, rolling on an exercise ball, jumping rope (anything with high impact or massage).

o   Give them a meditation app on your phone to use for 5 minutes (see the resource page of my blog for recommendations).

Listed below are some ideas for helping calm both you and your child down so that you can move on to the next step

  Deep joint compressions

Hugs

Exercise Ball

Jumping Jacks

Hand stands

Jump rope

Squat Jumps

Pushups

Rolly Polly rolls

Manual joint compressions

Calming Strategies Massager – Vibration

Exercise Ball Massage

Heavy blanket

Burrito Wrap

Yoga

Meditation

Listen to music

Color

Beads

Sensory Fidget

Play piano

 

Here are some of the ways our family models regulated responses.

Come up with FAMILY STATEMENTS that you all use when things happen that are a bummer.  Some of the things we say are:

  • “At least it wasn’t Claudia’s food” (if we dropped her food on the Keto diet, we had to scoop it up and give it to her!)

  • “At least Copper didn’t get out” (our dog is an escape artist and very challenging to catch!)

  • “It’s just water” (we spill a lot, but only drinking water makes it no big deal!)

  • “Cross or Crutch, it’s all the same” (from a wonderful little book “Door in the Wall” by Marguerite de Angeli.)

  • “Thankful in ALL things” (obviously from the bible, but also beautifully lived out in “The Hiding Place” by Corrie ten Boom.)

Establish PATTERNS OF RESPONSES that establish a set plan when something challenging happens that is likely to repeat.  For example:

  • When we break a glass or bowl in our home (which happens a lot!), we do the same thing every time.  Everyone backs up or I pick them up if they are surrounded by glass.  One person gets the broom and another gets the vacuum.  I clean it up and we immediately, without drama, resume whatever we were doing.  And I say (even when it is so hard) – “NO PROBLEM!”

  • If Copper gets out, everyone knows to stay in the yard.  Someone gets me a leash and shoes and then they watch me while I catch her.  Claudia usually gets her a treat as a reward for coming home. 

  • If someone pees in their bed or pants, they come whisper it in my ear and take care of their sheets or clothes by changing them and putting the soiled ones in the wash.

  • Start to label problems as “No Problem” “Small Problem” or “Big Problem”. Visit my blog for more on how to label these in my blog post entitled “It’s No Problem.”

Only after everyone is calm (and this could take a day!), move on to the last step.  Please continue reading my blog series on Dis-Regulation for the last, and maybe most important, step in teaching your child how to regulate their emotions!

 

My Kid's Out of ControlTeresa KerriganDis-Regulation