It’s No Problem!
“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means. ”
One of the first things I learned from our family’s ABA Therapists was the concept of…… “No Problem.”
About 3 years ago, in the beginning of a very hot August, our air conditioner gave up. We “needed” a new one. My kids were literally concerned for their lives. They truly believed that we could die without air conditioning.
These scenarios became perfect settings to learn the concept of Big Problem, Medium Problem, Small Problem, or No Problem. This is a lesson in perspective.
A Big Problem is one where someone may die or one that may not be solvable.
A Medium Problem is one where someone may need to go to the hospital or will take more than an hour to solve.
A Small Problem is one where someone is hurt or will take less than an hour to solve.
All other problems are No Problem.
Thank God, almost all of the problems our family has ever had to address are No Problem. When you put parenting and life into this perspective, suddenly the issues don’t seem quite so daunting.
It has been extremely helpful to label issues and experiences our family encounters with the type of problem it is. When something occurs, I will ask the kids, “is this a problem?” “If so, what kind of problem?” “Why do you think that?” “What about the problem makes you think it is Big?” Then I may give them some examples of Big Problems to see if they can gain perspective on their own. Over time, our family has gained incredible perspective through this constant conversation. And, the desired result is that everyone’s reactions more appropriately match the gravity of the problem. Thus, a small problem gets a Just Right Reaction.
I believe that most kids (and many adults –myself included) have a hard time defining the severity of problems. Kids on the spectrum really struggle. Talking constantly about how big a problem is on a daily basis will help them gain appropriate perspective!
In an effort to help them gain perspective regarding our air conditioner breaking, I did two things. First, I told them that I grew up in the desert in Arizona with no A/C and I don’t remember being miserable. It was all we knew. We talked about how our military in the deserts of the Middle East don’t have air conditioning and they have to work out, fight and protect our freedom and they are fine.
Second, I decided not to replace the air conditioning until the following spring. I wanted to show the kids that we would have to adjust and be flexible with our expectations. They needed to know that this was “No Problem”! It worked! They realized that what they thought was a life or death problem (a Big Problem), was really a No Problem.
Next
Start defining Big, Medium, Small and No Problems and talk about them with your kids. Give lots of real and silly examples and ask them for some as well.
Notice and label “Problems” you observe while out and about.
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Is Your Child’s Reaction Too Big? Too Small? Or, Just Right?