What is your child's most challenging behavior? Make it your first GOAL!
“I am not afraid; I was born to do this. ”
What makes your life feel burdensome? What makes you feel like your life could be better? If the answer to this question has to do with your child’s challenging behavior, let’s talk about how to begin defining your goal for change.
There are a couple of general rules for setting any type of goal with your child.
First, always set your child up for success (Momentum = Success).
Second, narrowly and specifically Define the Goal. Talk through what the expectation is for success. The goal should be something the child has already mastered initially. Create small attainable steps for the first several attempts.
Momentum is the key to changing your child’s behavior. Collecting successes is a great way to gain momentum and self confidence.
Third, you must choose a reward that well matched and motivating for your child (What Will Motivate Your Child to Change?). Some goals require much larger and quicker rewards and some very small rewards. The more difficult the goal is to reach, the quicker the reward should be earned. Guide your child to choose appropriately!
If you and your child structure the first goal and reward system, and it is not consistently working, adjust! If it is an appropriate goal and strategy, it will work! So, if it isn’t working, the goal and/or strategy must be adjusted. Beware, however, and don’t give up too soon! Some of the strategies take time to work. Also, I would be very cautious about changing the reward once chosen. If you are going to change the reward, the goal needs to be changed significantly so your child doesn’t get the idea that the reward is negotiable.
With all of this said, here are some of our most challenging and consistently worked on goals and strategies. I will post blogs about each one of the goals over time. If you don’t see it yet, it is coming soon! Let me know if you have a particular goal you would like to hear about!
Eating
Won’t Try New Foods
Won’t Eat Enough
Won’t Eat with Manners
Respect
Working Hard
Setting Goals
School Work
Tattling and Conflict Resolution
Chores
Next:
· Consider what makes your daily like most challenging.
· Try to define that challenge specifically.
· Come up with a very specific definition of “success” for changing this behavior.
· Define specific steps necessary for your child to reach “success”.
· Write these things down.
· Discuss them with your child. If they are not developmentally able to read or understand the conversation, draw pictures, act them out with toys and dolls…. Get silly and creative!
· Choose the reward to be earned.
More:
What will motivate you child to change?
Define Success - Do what I mean, NOT what you heard!