Patience Fail!
“Patience is not simply the ability to wait -
it’s how we behave while we’re waiting. ”
Believe me, I know how hard it is to stay patient when:
Your child stands there like a deer in head lights unable to answer a question as easy as what is 1+1;
Your teenage rolls their eyes at you because they don’t like what you are demanding from them;
Your delayed child is laying on the floor crying in the store because they don’t get to buy a stuffy (and this has happened in every store visit for weeks)!
Of course, keeping your cool and responding appropriately to situations (not “Too Big or Too Small” see my blog post about It’s Just Right) is the goal of every parent, but I will honestly say that probably happens less than half the time – right?
Here’s the beautiful thing - we can actually both lose our patience and have a successful parenting moment!
Remember my post on Discipline versus Punishment? When you raise your voice too much, send them to timeout or put them in their room - NO problem! They are being penalizedfor their bad behavior. When emotions are high, your child is using the only coping strategy that they can access at that time – throwing a fit, sassing or blanking out completely, and so are you – getting angry. You both need time to cool downand let your brains recalibrate.
However, the parenting moment cannot stop when they get out of time out. This is when the teaching begins. This is when I pull my child aside so that no one else can see or hear us if possible. This helps them not to feel humiliated or try to show off. We quietly talk about what happened. How they might have gotten too big and what they can try differently next time. We might even practice or make a drawing of it.
Then comes the hard but more important part. I talk about how I got too big. How I lost my cool. How I reacted out of anger and frustration instead of love. And we come up with ways I can do better too.
Our children need to see us failing, admitting our failure and working through a plan to do better. It is so important to see us doing this for them to learn to do it themselves!
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Notice times when you are more patient than others. If you see a trend, try to figure out why? Maybe you need a snack, coffee, a moment alone….
Notice times when your child has a short fuse! Maybe they need a snack, a moment alone, a hug….
Start talking to your child about your reactions and make plans about how maybe you both can be more patient with each other.
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