Is Your Child’s Reaction Too Big? Too Small? Or, Just Right?
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty”
How can I help my child have “Just Right” responses to everyday issues?
Example 1: A family is eating dinner together and everyone is done but one little girl who has been chatting and delaying all through dinner. Her mommy tells her that, if she doesn’t finish up in 10 minutes, she does not get a brownie that everyone is having for dessert. The little girls shoves 5 big bites in her mouth at one time and gags on the enormous bite. Too Big!
Example 2: A child has been cooking in the kitchen and momma notices how messy her hands are and that it is getting the cupboards and handles all dirty. Momma asks the child to wash her hands. The girl barely gets her hands wet, rubs soap on a small portion of her hand and dries them on the towel. Too Small!
Example 3: A family is sitting down for dinner and mom asks the son to please fill everyone’s water. He up, fills the pitcher with water and uses it to fill everyone’s water cups and sits down for dinner. Ah! Just Right!
In our home, we talk a ton about Too Big, Too Small and Just Right reactions. Sort of like The Three Bears right?
A child’s reaction is often Too Big when they believe there is a Big Problem. When my daughter responds to her sister’s rude voice by crying and coming to tell me, that is a Too Big response to her sister being rude. We talk about how that response is Too Big. We try to understand that, even though her sister shouldn’t be rude, it is really It’s No Problem.
Next, we ALWAYS come up with a plan for how her reaction can be Just Right next. For example,
1. she can take a deep breath and tell her sister she thinks she is being rude,
2. One of my kids used to get “physical,” so she got in the habit of pressing her hands together hard and yelling “Mom, I need help!”
3. she can walk away, or
4. she can just ignore the rude behavior.
This does not come easily, but with consistency of the conversation and much practice, it does sink in. The key is to ask them how they would want someone to respond to them if they were being rude!! It always works!
Introduce the concept of Too Big, Just Right and Too Small in a way that uses the child’s whole body! There are many benefits to teaching through movement. One is that motivation to learn is higher when the body is involved in doing something fun. When the body is engaged with demonstrating a concept, recall to that concept at a later time will be easier because we can think about what our whole body was doing, rather than just the discussion of the concept. Also, we can do MANY fun activities to explore the concept.
Our family was introduced to this concept by playing lots of ball games. For example, when Claudia was learning this, her and Teague would play toss the ball. Claudia would toss the ball, it would not make it to Teague and we would say “Too Small”, she would get very excited and toss it so hard it would hit the ceiling and we would say “that was Too Big” and so on. We did this with ping pong, golf and so on. We also observed our own reactions and those of people in the community and tried to label them and come up with ideas of how their reactions could have been Just Right. Constantly noticing people’s reactions helps the perspective sink in. My daughter now labels her own behavior and my and her dad’s reactions when we get Too Big from her perspective. “Mom, that is Too Big, say sorry” when I am disciplining one of her siblings. And, she is usually correct!
Only you can decide what perspective you want for your child. Once taught, it can be a great source of calm for you and your family!
Next:
Start paying attention to your reactions and those of your children. See if you can label them as Too Big, Too Small and Just Right.
Start playing games with your kids to help them start to understand the concept.
Plan! Plan! Plan! Always talk to them about their plan for next time the same issue comes up and how their reaction can be “Just Right”!
More:
It’s No Problem
Patience