If I am ok, you are ok!
“The one indispensable requirement for producing godly, mature Christians is godly, mature Christians.”
When I had my first child, my husband’s family was on their 26th grandchild!
I remember vividly when my first was about 4 weeks old thinking “I have to let her cry or she will be needy.” After all, I saw many of my sister-in-law's let their babies cry – of course these were their 3rd or 4th children. I was trying so hard to let her cry, but it was breaking my heart. At some point, I remember talking to one of my sister-in-law’s who said something so simple, yet so helpful to me as a parent:
“If you are ok, They are ok, Everyone is ok!”
· If carrying them around non-stop, sleeping or awake makes mommy happy, then baby is fine.
· If letting baby cry for a while so mommy can get dinner started makes mommy happy, baby will be fine.
· If sleeping with baby for 10 years makes mommy happy (and here it should probably make daddy happy too), then baby is fine.
Similarly, I remember my obstetrician response during my 2nd pregnancy when I was trying to decide whether to take some drug for the 24/7 migraines I was having. She advised that,
“if something goes wrong with your child later (autism, sight problems, cleft lip…) and you will wonder if it was the result of something you did now, don’t do it. If you will be fine with the decision you made, be at peace and make it.”
This was exactly what I needed to hear! Rather than instruct me what to do, she helped me think through my decision in a way that mattered to me.
I feel the need to mention here that some of these decisions are hard, not because we struggle with what will make us happy, but because of social norms and pressures. I am not sure what to say about this other than what I say to my kids about it. “Should you change what you are doing if it is good for you just because most people think it is weird, ugly, wrong….?”
Social pressure as a new mother is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting. Mother’s judge, gossip and provide unsolicited opinions that they assume you must take. They can be downright nasty to each other. You thought high school social pressure was tough – try out parenting pressures! Judgment is such a hard thing to leave behind, both judging and the feeling of being judged.
But ultimately, you need to make the decisions that are best for you and your family, despite what others might think about it!So, remember, “if you’re ok, they’re ok” and relish in knowing that is all that matters.