WHY Won't She Stay Asleep?
“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”
It is 8:00, I am so excited to tuck my brood into their beds! I am nearing the end of my ability to be patient and I still have to clean up, prepare for school tomorrow and get some work done. AND, I am hoping to get in a hot bath to help myself sleep.
Ah! The time after our children go to bed can be so rejuvenating! And then, one gets up for water. The next needs to go potty. A half hour later, one needs me to fix their sheets. Twenty minutes and one had a bad dream. And so it goes until 1:00 in the morning. The time I was hoping to find peace to either relax, spend time with my husband or work is gone. I do NOT feel rejuvenated. I feel frustrated, exhausted and helpless. When will they ever stay asleep?
There are several ways to help with this dilemma.
First, a sort-of reverse Sleep Training Clock use. Sometimes, I tell my kids that I will come check on them after 30 minutes (or whatever period of time you think they need to be successful staying in bed). Tell them that when you come check on them, you will give them a kiss with no words and nothing else (no water, potty, tuck in…). Make it silly if it helps lighten the mood – “I will not pick your nose”, “I will not bite your finger nails”, “I will not give your doll a bath.” You come in to check on them after that period of time repeatedly until they are asleep. After a few nights of success, move it to a longer period of time and so on. Let them know that when they fall asleep without getting out of bed, they have earned their reward or point for that night (more detail on this below and in the other Sleep posts listed below.)
Sleep passes are also a very effective strategy for this challenge. Together, decide What Will Motivate Your Child to Change their sleep habits. Next, make 5-10 homemade, decorated, colored, stickers…sleep passes with your child. Explain that they need to bring you a pass every time they get up. Initially, there should be no limitation on how many sleep passes they can use. As long as they bring you a pass every time, they earn the planned reward.
Once they are used to this system, begin taking away a pass one at a time. I would not take them too quickly. Make sure they are used to and successful with the new number of passes before removing one. It is up to you and your child’s ability to understand as to whether you tell your child that you are taking a pass. One of my kids was excited to lose a pass because with the loss of each pass, the reward got bigger. Another got freaked out that she would fail and honestly had no idea I was taking them anyway. Over time, you should be able to take all of the sleep passes and your child will be staying in bed all night!
If you find that they are failing to stay in bed with a certain number of passes, give a pass or two back (again tell them or not!) until they are successful! Then start taking them slowly again. You can couple this with a large earned reward after they have ultimately succeeded with a certain number of no-pass nights of sleep!
And now, to have the warm bath and get a few things done before a good night’s sleep. Can you even imagine. It now happens more often than not in my home, well, so long as the dog doesn’t bark!
Next:
Pay attention to how many times your child gets up at night. Start having the conversation with your child about what type of reward might help them stay in bed. One of my kids wants to cuddle in bed with me if she is successful. Another gets to watch a cartoon if she stays in bed.