Praise! – The Power of Positive Reinforcement
“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be. ”
Copper is our daughter’s therapy dog and best friend. To teach Copper compassion and a desire to bond with Claudia. To achieve this, we rewarded and praised her for compassionate behavior. When Claudia cried, we put Copper on her lap and love on her and give her treats. If Copper left, we did not punish her, we just put her back on Claudia’s lap for more treats. It worked! It was easy! It was fast! Very soon, Copper was soothing Claudia with no need for reinforcement.
We all need praise! All “animals” need to be recognized for their efforts. We want people notice when we do something well. Kids are no different. As parents in today’s society, we focus on disciplining our kids’ negative behavior. What if, instead, we reinforced efforts toward positive behavior.
I often feel like people only notice when I make a mistake. Feeling discouraged and like I have “failed,” I am not motivated to continue making efforts toward a goal. When I hear gratitude, praise, or even just acknowledgement for my efforts, I feel motivated to continue trying. Even when the praise is followed by criticism of suggestions, I am more able to constructively take them and continue working.
Kids are no different. Kids are no different. In fact, they probably need twice as much praise as corrections. Truly! Start paying attention to how often you correct, comment or, let’s face it, nag your child compared to how often you compliment or acknowledge their efforts. Even notice your non-verbal body language toward their behavior!
If your criticism (or anything less than positive feedback) is more often than praise, think of making a shift in what you are paying attention to. When you notice the kind of behavior you want to encourage, try:
positive behavior reinforcement (rewards),
micro economies,
a thumbs up,
smile,
high five,
a mini-chocolate chip slipped into the mouth with no words,
Eventually, we want our children to feel proud of their efforts and motivated to continue with not reinforcement. So, train them to see it as you train yourself to see it!
Our society is so focused on criticism and micro-managing our children that we fail to acknowledge when they have done a good job. This is encouraging our kids to focus on their failures and discouraging them from trying new things that they may “fail” at. Remember Edison’s perspective:
“I have not failed, I have come up with 1,000 ways to invent light bulbs that don’t work.” - Thomas Edison
This is a much more flexible and positive mindset. Rather than “I failed again, like always, why even try?” We want our kids to think, “hmm, that didn’t work, what should I do differently next time?”
Next:
Work to notice any small effort toward compliance with your requests.
Give your child a thumbs-up, high five or “great job” when you notice their efforts toward positive behavior. Even tiny things count and should get praise! Even if this is followed by criticism, your child is more likely to be encouraged!
Talk to them about what it means to make small efforts toward a goal and how that should make them feel encouraged – even if they don’t succeed at the ultimate goal.
More:
Positive Reinforcement - What Is It and How to Successfully Use It