The 1st Step VALIDATION Explained

 The 1st step to calming down a child who is completely out of control, throwing a fit, “dis-regulated” is -

VALIDATE (recognize) their feelings:

I DID NOT SAY “APPROVE” OF THEIR BEHAVIOR!  Rather, acknowledge that you see their behavior and can tell that they are upset allows them to STOP trying to get your ATTENTION. 

It can feel awkward at first to acknowledge your child's struggle without either getting angry or seeming to approve of their behavior.

 Here are some suggestions of VALIDATION LANGUAGE that you can use until you get used to coming up with them on your own.

o   “It Seems Like You Are Feeling Worried…”

o   “I See That You Are Really Upset”

o   “I Can Tell That Really Bothers You”

o   "I Can See That Bothers You"

o   "I Am Sorry You Feel Mad"

o   "I See That You Are Banging Your Head On The Floor"

o   "It Is Hard When We Don't Get What We Want"

o   "I Hear Your Screaming"

o   "I Can Tell That You Are Upset"

This alone should start to calm them down, but you can’t stop here.  Continue to read my blog series on Dis-Regulation for explanation of the next step and examples of these strategies in use in my family!