The Five Functions of Behavior – Now What? Attention
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
My Jacqueline is the least “needy” of my kids. I don’t mean that she doesn’t need attention and love, rather, she has no specific “need” causing her to especially need it. However, not to confuse you, she needs attention!
As a result of this confusion, I have struggled to anticipate when she needs attention and she has struggled to appropriately ask for it. In an effort to get attention, she complains about ailments, sickness and problems when they really don’t exist.
When Claudia wants attention from her friends or strangers, she often throws her toys at them rather than asking for their attention.
When Teague first came home, he would get his hand or foot “stuck” under a pillow or blanket and then scream like it was being cut off! I would gently remove the obstacle and give him a kiss.
Hope, oh sweet Hope, when she needs attention she acts rude, disrespectful and sassy. She doesn’t know how to ask for attention when she needs it, so she seeks it in the only way she feel comfortable doing so!
What can I do? These are classic attention seeking behaviors and there are ways to successfully replace them with positive behaviors.
1. Replace the behavior with more appropriate actions.
With Jacqueline, I am teaching her more appropriate ways to get my attention when she needs it. She and I have a deal, if she needs a hug and asks appropriately, I will give it to her if at all possible!
With Claudia, we have worked long and hard teaching her to, instead, say their name and tell them you would like them to look at you or talk to you. Encouraging her peers to comply with the two strategies that follow has proven to work very well for encouraging appropriate social behavior for Claudia.
2. Positively reinforce the appropriate replacement behaviors.
For both girls, I encourage the positive replacement behavior for getting attention by praising them throughout the day for using it.
When Jacqueline is acting appropriately, not acting sick or complaining, I praise her, give her an unsolicited hug, tell her I love her…. Positive reinforcement encourages this behavior to continue rather than the unwanted behavior of faining sickness.
Claudia and her siblings practice appropriate replacement behavior for gaining attention with toys, dolls and Social Stories. The more scenarios they practice, the more proficient Claudia becomes in actual social situations.
3. Ignore the unwanted behavior.
When Jacqueline tells me about an ailment or problem that I have already addressed or that I don’t believe is true, I ignore it. I may smile at her, pat her on the shoulder or just say nothing. This really only works if coupled with the above strategy of positively reinforcing the good behavior.
When Claudia throws her toy at her friend in an effort to gain their attention, I quickly encourage that child to ignore her until she asks for attention appropriately. I may whisper in Claudia’s ear, “go tap them on the shoulder and ask them to look at you.”
Next:
Determine what function your child’s behavior is serving. If you believe it to be for attention, consider trying these strategies.
I would introduce these strategies to you child before you use them in an actual situation. Practice with dolls, toys and Social Stories. Work through many different scenarios.
Remember, the goal is to give them appropriate replacement behavior. So, before introducing these strategies, have that behavior in mind.
More:
Why is she acting like this? The Five Functions of Behavior
The Five Functions of Behavior – Now What? Escape
The Five Functions of Behavior – Now What? Access to a Tangible Item
The Five Functions of Behavior – Now What? Automatic
The Five Functions of Behavior – Now What? Control