100% Consistency

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently. ”

— Anthony Robbins

When your son wakes you up for no reason, for the fifth time that night - tenth night in a row - believe me, you want to let him crawl in bed with you so you can both get some sleep!

When your child comes downstairs on Sunday morning and decides to wear jeans and a sweater for church, even though you have had this fight every Sunday for months, you just want to say “fine, wear it!”

When my daughter resists eating for the third time that day, cries, refuses to come to the table, rejects every bite, I am more than tempted to put a cartoon on, give her the phone or let her walk around while I quietly put bites in her mouth.

I believe so strongly that the only way to a better and independent future is 100% consistency to whatever plan it is that I have made for the issue at hand.

As with everything parenting, the biggest key to success is unfailing consistency. Just like us adults, kids see the break in the chain and find a way to fit through it. They don’t want to change because what they are doing is just fine with them (whether healthy or not). The only way to get effective, long term results is to be 100% consistent with your plans. Once you have presented your goal, strategy, and motivator to your child, expect push back (ok, you can call it a fit, tantrum, big resistance!). They are trying to find out if you are committed. They are trying to find the break in the chain. Once they are convinced there is no break in the chain, they will submit to the new rules.

Beware, every time you give in to them, especially kiddos with certain personalities and needs, you are in for an even bigger struggle the next time.

Believe me, I know how challenging this is! We all get tired, impatient, in a hurry, distracted – I mean really, we just want some peace and quiet and a “normal” mealtime! But, remember the end goal! The end goal is independence, social skills, and the ability to follow directions. Every time you give in to their resistance, it will move these goals farther and farther away. The less you give in, the closer you are to reaching your goal.

So, when your son comes to wake you up in your sleepy stupor, drag yourself out of bed to put him back in his! I know that my son no longer wakes us up at night unless he has a problem. And actually, his time waking us up only lasted about 3 months after coming home from Ethiopia.

When I saw my daughter present herself in casual clothing for the tenth Sunday morning in a row, I geared myself for another struggle. After speaking to my daughter about why we wear nice clothes for church and helping her decide what to wear the night before, she finally started to make appropriate clothing choices for church. And when she did, we gave her big praise. We even went and bought a new church outfit to make sure she had something appropriate that she felt nice in for the following Sunday. She is now always dressed appropriately for church, or she brings clothes to me to ask me if it is appropriate. Her battle only lasted about three months. But, I never, ever gave in!

When my daughter refuses to eat, I wait her out with the strategy we have planned on regardless of my exhaustion or lack of patience. We have many more good days than bad! She is challenging because certain strategies work like a charm for a while and then she needs something new and novel. AND, I must admit that this is probably the area that I am least consistent (I know I said you have to be 100% consistent). I am feeding 5 kids, sometimes more, I am trying to cook, eat, clean up and often get out of the house for something. I am certain this is part of the reason this continues to be a struggle.