“How many times do I have to say this?"
““Intense Love Does Not Measure, It Just Gives.””
Hint: as many times as it takes! One of my favorite sayings, and I don’t know who said it or why, is:
“Sometimes doing as much as you can isn’t enough.
Sometimes you have to do what it takes!”
This is a very short post! There is not much to say other than, it can take a very long time to help your child change their behavior! Most animals send their offspring out on their own after several days, weeks, or months.
Humans take almost 2 decades (at least) to “release” their young into the wild of adulthood.
We humans are thinking, habit forming, worrying, believing creatures. We must be able to do all of these things well and with grace to succeed as independently. This takes many many many reminders! It takes tons of grace. It takes super human amounts of patience! Establishing good habits, even when we want to form them, takes a very long time! It takes even longer when we are resistant to the change!
My Hope really struggles with attachment. For various reasons, there came a time that I decided to get her an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist. In our conversation, she said many things that were both helpful and affirming of the work I had been doing with her. But one really helped my perspective and it was this, “Teresa, establishing new brain pathways is a marathon, not a sprint - don’t give up.”
For whatever reason, I thought that I should see the positive changes in 6 months, 1 year, or even 5 years (and they had, but the issues were not “fixed”). Her statement helped me take a deep breath. I realized that I can do this for the rest of her life if that is what it takes, I just need to know that is the expectation. Take this into consideration in your parenting.
Raising kids is a life long journey, don’t expect to see the fruits of your labor too quickly or you will get frustrated and give up!