Please Go to Sleep!!
It seems sleep challenges are one of the “expected challenges” of parenting these days.
I have put so many children to bed who just cannot fall asleep. There are the kiddos who can’t turn their brains off. They worry. They question. They get a song stuck in their head (that is me by the way).
There are those that are afraid of the dark, being alone, bad dreams, or the boogie-man. There are others that seem to get the giggles as soon as their head hits the pillow. Many who finally relax enough to poop! Then some of these choose to decorate their room with the mess. What about those cuties who literally come to your room and just stare at you as if they have no idea what they are supposed to be doing. One of my daughters used to get up at least ten times a night to tell me she was tired!
Do you have any of these?
Let me give you some ideas that have worked in our little sleep den.
First, Choose the Goal and narrowly define it. Your goal can be getting up fewer times during the night. Getting up at a reasonable time in the morning. Or, going to sleep without getting up after being tucked in.
I would suggest choosing the sleep goal that will give you the most peace!
Next, Choose a Motivation and frequency of the reward. If sleep is an issue, the reward will need to be highly motivating. I would suggest daily rewards in the beginning because this is a big task and they need to see immediate success to build momentum (Momentum = Success). One of the most successful Sleep Secret Weapons for getting kids to go to sleep without getting up have been the Sleep Passes. Passes can be used for any behavior adjustment. For sleep, pay attention to the number of times your child generally gets up at night before finally falling asleep. Let’s assume it is ten. With your child, make ten passes out of paper (find templates and ideas on the Strategy Resources page). Decorate them, laminate them, enjoy making them with your child.
Now, model the use of these passes with some dolls, toys or siblings.
Pretend the doll is brushes their teeth, puts their pj’s on, reads a book and kisses their mom goodnight. Lights are turned out and the doll wants to get up. Have the child give the pass to the doll and the doll takes it to you. You take the pass, give the doll a kiss and take it back to bed. Enjoy acting it out, make it fun but soothing with no punishment. Have the doll use all the passes. Now what? Try to encourage the child to figure out that when the passes are gone, that means they need to stay in bed and go to sleep now. Be sure to reward the doll after returning to bed each time and staying in bed after using the last pass. Make a big deal with the doll over their reward – play with it and enjoy it.
Make using the Passes exciting and fun!
That night, put the passes in a prominent spot in their room. We decorated an envelope, taped it to her door and put the passes inside. Remind your child that they may come into your room ten times (or whatever number of times you made passes for), but that they will have to go back to bed without a fuss after a hug. As long as they bring you the pass - no problem. In the morning, if they have used a pass every time, make a big deal out of providing the reward!
If they fail to use the passes or fail to stay in bed after the last pass if used, provide more passes until you have the number correct.
They may need some reminders along the way. For example, “you are doing a great job bringing me your passes. Now how many more passes do you have left? Yes! 4 more. When you have used all 4, what are you going to do? Yes, stay in bed until it is time to get up.” They may need more immediate rewards. You could have a system of stickers or pennies or puffy balls where they earn one for ever pass that they bring you. For every sticker, penny, puffy ball they earn, they can “buy” things (Homemade Micro-Economies).
Now for the real improvement. Once they child has mastered the new program with the passes. After several successes, take a pass. You decide whether or not to tell you child. I would say this decision depends on the developmental level and anxiety level of your child. You know them best – will they deal well knowing they are being “challenged” or will that freak them out so much that they will fail?
Either way, it is time to start changing the behavior. Take one pass at a time. After there are several successes with any given number of passes, take another pass until you are down to the number of passes you think is reasonable and acceptable for you and your family. If they child regresses at some point, increase the number of passes for a while. Remember to reward the successes – instantly at first and then allow them to earn rewards over time for their successes. Eventually, you will not have to reward this behavior because it will be habit and you can move on to the next challenging behavior.
Next:
Start noticing how many times your child wakes after you put them to bed before they finally go to sleep.
Talk to your child about the plan for going to sleep and work toward finding a highly motivating reward that will encourage this challenging habit to change.
Get creative and make Sleep Passes!
More:
Choose the Motivator