What Will Motivate Your Child to Change?

“Nothing in life…even a few broken bones, is without its reward. ”

— John le Carre

Why is it so challenging to change our habits? It seems that even if I know the science, the health, the positive reasons to change my eating habits, work out more, gripe at my husband less…, it is still unbelievably difficult to change my habits. You? Do you notice that the status quo is just easier even if you know it is not the right choice? What about your kids? What does it take to change your child’s habits? What about their less preferred behaviors?

Motivation, motivation, motivation!

It’s time to choose the motivation or positive reinforcement. This step can be very challenging for some kids who “don’t want anything”! You know your child and should be able to help them think of things that they would want to have, do, see, experience. The trick can be having the conversation about “wants” completely separately and prior to the conversation about “goals.” Some kids are so resistant to the goal being set, that they simply cannot think of something that would motivate them to change.

Ask them about:

· things they would like to have (toys, books, games, movies, clothes, décor for their room…),

· places they would like to go (the zoo, museum, movies, restaurants, hike, swimming),

· things they would like to see or experience (looking through a telescope at the library or nearby college, catching crawfish, going to find elk in the mountains, jumping on a trampoline with a harness, one of mine earned having the make upladies at the mall do her makeup…).

Make a list and maybe rank those things 1-10, 1 being most preferred. Now, when you have set a challenging behavior goal, you can have a handy list of motivational items to choose from.

Our family often goes shopping at a craft or super store to “shop.”The kids tell me what they want and I take a picture of them with it. We generally keep it under $5 unless they are working toward a very difficult task. When we are working on a behavior or habit, we go through my pictures and find one that seems like it would be motivational for that task. We print it out and use it in various ways discussed in How to Use Motivation.

Be Flexible but DO NOT negotiate

Your child cannot use this as a manipulation tactic. The Rule:

1. They cannot choose a reward that you did not offer. However, to stave off a melt down, you can tell them that it could show up in their next reward list if they deal with this one well.

2. They cannot change their reward half way through (unless you have defined this as an option from the very beginning, which I would not suggest).

3. They cannot change the expected positive behavior.

However, when dealing with kids that are really struggling, my opinion is that they will absolutely be successful if you have successfully paired the

Motivation or positive reinforcement,

the Earning Time(Instant or Earned Motivation) and

the Behavior you want modified (Choose the Goal).

If you have not, you may need some interim rewards or a bit lower expectations on the goals.

Kids ultimately want to succeed,

they just need to the right motivation.

If you are a nail biter, a smoker, an aggressive driver, a bad eater, a non-exerciser – what would it take to keep you motivated to change these behaviors. How long could you sustain with no reward to earn something. Putting this in perspective will help you choose appropriately for your child.